I Hear Dead People

I am not entirely convinced that I achieve full consciousness until quite late on in the day. Generally, I stumble around in a fog for several hours before the world around me resolves itself into a comprehensible whole. Mostly this does me little harm, although I have attempted to make coffee by adding fizzy water from the fridge to sugar and coffee granules. The major difficulty is that anyone who talks to me before, say, 10am seems to be uttering prophecies, or speaking in tongues. Things I have misheard this week:

"Fargle, the Binman cometh!" ("Remember, I'm playing badminton tonight.")

"Mixmag, has the cat gone?" ("Did you feed the cat?")

"Give it to Ahab, he'll return the pox forthwith." ("Give me the number, I'll fax it.")

I see two possibilities:

1. I am channeling some long dead seer
2. I need my ears cleaned